Hi all. I sat down to write this post a bit teary eyed. I must admit. Not because this is the last post for this most beloved (and I when I say beloved I really mean "hated") blog, but because of why it is the last post.
As anyone can tell by my blog, I was utterly disgusted by any Jew who would marry a non-Jew. Especially a Jewish man, since that deprives the community of his, what would have been, Jewish children. For a population which has been decimated numerous times, numbers matter. But as I dated numerous Jewish girls throughout the years (I would say easily 120+ Jewish women) I have noticed something that is eye opening to me. What I have noticed is that Jewish women simply don't care. I've tried it all, varying themes as time progressed. I tried being myself, being the asshole, the thoughtful one, the sweet one, the thin(er) one, the heavier one, the nice one, the mean one. I've tried being the employed one, the debt free one, the planner, the impromptu one, the one that thinks about marriage and wants it, the one that thinks about sex and doesn't care about marriage. I tried being the future planner, the well dresser, the suit dresser (when coming from work), the down dresser. I tried being on time, early, and fashionably late. I tried. I really did. Honestly. You can't say I didn't date enough as I dated tons of women from all backgrounds. I rarely rejected matches and instead wanted to find out who the people were in person, instead of just deciding based on some conforming profile. I was even thoughtful in the places I chose for the date. If the woman was into knitting, I didn't take her to some arbitrary pub, but instead to a knitting cafe. But ultimately, no one cared. Not one.
Now I'm not going to sit here and even think for a minute that its all their fault. I could have been thin and buff, been more accomplished, been more religious, less religious, whatever it may be. I'm not going to say why they didn't care since I can't possibly know. All I do know, is that they didn't. To the contrary, there are fatter, uglier, less accomplished people who are happily married. My theory is that a lot of these upper west side women are married to their daddies. Their daddies pay their bills, are accomplished, never ask them about getting married, and shower them with unconditional love and require nothing of them in return. How can I possibly compete with that?? Well...I can't.
So as I seriously contemplate calling up my Korean friend and asking her out, I thought I would put an end to this blog. I'm a dick. I'm an asshole. But I'm no hypocrite. I now see what all these guys are talking about. I now see what they mean when they say that they are totally disregarded by unsexual, uncaring, uninteresting women. Having dated most of them (or so it feels), I can finally say: You're right. I was wrong. Sometimes its easy to just lay down a blanket rule, without figuring out why the rule is broken so often. Well, now I've figured it out and I apologize to all I may have offended in the process. Dating for a few years sounds easy, simple and fun. But its not "dating" for a few years. Its effort, its rejection, its investing emotion which goes unreturned, its costly, its draining, and ultimately, its depressing. Dating encompasses all of the above and one can only take it for so long.
Hopefully if the woman I do marry is non-Jewish, she'll convert. If not, then our Jewish culture and society has failed us and failed an entire generation of jewish women by spoiling them into a life of narcissism. I'm sure all the women I dated had valid reasons for being wholly unimpressed by me and thats ok. But for once in my life, I'd like to actually go out with a girl that likes me and wants to be with me. A girl that won't be half listening to me on our first phone conversation because she's busy IMing other people (and too stupid to mute the volume so I don't hear the IM sounds in the background), a girl that won't show up 45 minutes late only to keep me standing there while she finishes her phone call, a girl that won't check her phone 5 times throughout the first date, a girl that won't be bitter and condescending the entire date to me, a girl that won't go out knowing she doesn't like me just for the free meal, a girl that will show me something other than total and utter disregard, a girl that.... and on and on.
So again, farewell to all my loyal readers and hate mail senders. I apologize to you all. Although I wished you ill will, I hope you can find it in your heart to wish me the best and that I find someone that actually likes me enough to be with me.
Goodbye to you all and best wishes,
JD
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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